Interview with Author Allan Miller

Allan Miller's story "Pizza, Pizza, Pizza, Pizza, Pizza, Pizza, Pizza, Pizza, Pizza" gave the editors a solid laugh and brought us out of the long haul that is a condensed submission-reading period. We were extra pleased to note that the author is also delightfully funny on subjects other than pizza, and hope you enjoy his amusing interview responses and musings below.

What makes you keep writing, even when it's hard?

I find a great motivator is to write at the bottom of a pit with a colossal axe swinging precariously overhead, but I’m also a glutton for punishment and enjoy the process of getting ideas from brain to page. The hard thing is finding time to write, rather than the writing itself, which is usually a pleasure … although perhaps if I had more time to write it wouldn’t be such a pleasure.

Advice on creating that you’ve learned by trial and error.

Switching off and doing something completely different is the best way to fix a problem with a story. A resolution is more likely to present itself to me whilst perambulating a hillside or circumnavigating a bog, than staring daggers at a blank screen. Oh, and if you’re ever stuck for convincing character names, ask a three-year-old for suggestions. They’ll provide winners like Frankie Yoghurt, Horsey Wedding, Captain Strength and my personal favorite, Cranberry Lightswitch.

What's your favorite underappreciated novel or short story (a work you never hear anyone else talking about)?

I was going to say Time and the Gods by Edward John Moreton Drax Plunkett, 18th Baron Dunsany, aka Lord Dunsany, as I’ve never heard anyone talk about Time and the Gods by Edward John Moreton Drax Plunkett, 18th Baron Dunsany, except perhaps in a fevered dream or within the whispering winds of a long abandoned desert citadel. That was until I was perusing the Weird Lit Mag contributor interviews, and almost immediately came across another writer who’d chosen the very same book! As with the stories in Time and the Gods, this both terrified and delighted me. However, it means I can now espouse an equally undervalued tome, and one that couldn’t be more different from the aforementioned.

The Book of Wonder by Edward John Moreton Drax Plunkett, 18th Baron Dunsany, aka Lord Dunsany, is a collection of weird tales of fantasy, romance, and thieves meeting unfortunate ends. The stories are rollicking good fun, and have magnificent titles such as “The Bride of the Man-Horse,” “Miss Cubbidge and the Dragon of Romance,” and “The Injudicious Prayers of Pombo the Idolater.”

Do you have a favorite book on writing or creating that's been a helpful resource?

John Cleese’s book Creativity: A Short and Cheerful Guide highlights the importance of play for getting into a creative mindset, and also how some of the best ideas come from allowing yourself to make mistakes. To be honest, I probably wouldn’t have bought it, but it was on display in a bookshop in St. Andrews, and I was swayed by the words “Signed by the Author.” It wasn’t until I arrived home that I realized the book wasn’t signed by the author—a piece of paper with John Cleese’s signature on it had been glued to the inside of the book. I was a bit miffed (after all is a signed confession still a signed confession if the signature has been written on a different piece of paper and then glued to the confession?) but if that’s not an example of being creative (with words), I don’t know what is.

If you were a cryptid, what would your name be and what would you eat?

My grandfather was an eminent professor of cryptozoology and responsible for The A-Z of Preposterous Beasts, a bestiary containing descriptions of outlandish animals such as the quonk, the spaffleblub, and the hedgehog. When I was a child he told me I was a foundling that had been left on his doorstep by the woozles—chimeric woodland dwellers who sing ethereal songs by the light of the moon and forage in the undergrowth for nuts and acorns. I was, of course, skeptical, because I’m allergic to nuts, but it could explain my penchant for nocturnal dirges, oh, and my antlers.

Planes, trains, boats, or automobiles?

Boats, then trains, then bicycles, then horseback, then piggyback, then network of subterranean tunnels, then trebuchet, then teleportation unit, then astral projection, then the hulking wreck of an abandoned space-freighter, then automobiles, and then planes.

What’s your most recent “I was today years old when I realized …” moment?

The majority of the time I will likely know my son will be when my son is an adult, but the vast majority of the time I will likely spend with my son will be when my son is a child.

What is your writing strategy? Do you write every day with a rigid schedule, or are you more flexible with your practice?

I’m the primary caregiver to a young woozle, so at the moment most of my day is spent cleaning, tidying, mopping, giving piggybacks, being exhausted, foraging for acorns, and drinking in secret, but I try to write whenever the opportunity arises. If I can only manage a 20-minute splurge, I try (albeit unsuccessfully) not to worry about it. Time constraints can be beneficial in that you don’t have the luxury of procrastination, or allowing your quill to dangle by your side for hours on end whilst adopting a pose of Byronic anguish (although I would do that if I could). 

Do you think about your reader?

No and yes. No, because I write what I want to write, and yes, because I then worry the reader will think what I write is rubbish, or won’t find it amusing, or won’t get what I’m on about, and that the reason they won’t get what I’m on about is because I don’t write well enough for them to get what I’m on about. But mainly I worry the reader will get bored and give up before they get to the bit where I talk about shapeshifting sex arachnoids from the Andromeda Galaxy.

What was the best money you spent on something writing-related?

When I was in Morocco, a street vendor (who looked and sounded a lot like Sallah, Indiana Jones’s sidekick from Raiders of the Lost Ark) badgered me into parting with 100 dirhams for a bookmark. Despite being made from Berber silver and engraved with strange decorative symbols, I felt like I’d been swindled. That was until I actually used it as a bookmark, because not only did it help me mark progress in a book, I discovered that while the bookmark was enclosed it also had the effect of actually freezing time in the outside world. Best 100 dirhams I ever spent!

What is your favorite museum or gallery?

The National Museum of Scotland, back when I was an 8-year-old, and all the attractions were designed solely for adults, and the grand Victorian atrium contained fountains and koi fishponds, and I could wander the uncrowded galleries containing cabinets of curiosities and all manner of what have you, and the only interactive exhibits were miniature trains in glass cases, where astonishment came

with a push of a button that illuminated tiny bulbs or caused wheels to slowly revolve. 

What is weird?

May I refer you to my answer to “what's your favorite underappreciated novel or short story?”

What was the inspiration for your story?

My son is the muse for many of my stories, as most of my time is spent with him. One of his first words was tractor, and he started saying tractor A LOT. I wondered what it might be like if he failed to learn any new words, and this story takes that idea to extremes.  What if other kids followed suit, with the very same word? What if everyone started communicating with just one word? My first draft was over 5,000 words long, with 3,000 of those words being “tractor,” but I soon realized that after a tractor the reader might tractor this a bit tractor.

Thoughts about artichokes?

Who doesn’t have thoughts about artichokes!? For a start, artichokes sounds a lot like “farty jokes” (a subject on which I consider myself quite an authority). They’ve long been considered an aphrodisiac, but it’s also been suggested that Henry VIII’s inability to procreate might have been down to his prodigious consumption of artichokes, so the jury is still out on that one. They certainly don’t look appetizing (to me anyway) but they’re a variety of thistle, and you can’t dislike thistles if you’re Scottish as they are our national flower.

Unpopular opinion, go: 

Diplodocus is pronounced diplodocus, not diplodocus. I know most people pronounce diplodocus as diplodocus, while others pronounce it diplodocus, and as both groups have been pronouncing it this way since childhood, they are absolutely convinced their pronunciation of diplodocus is correct, to the extent they won’t hesitate to correct others on their pronunciation of diplodocus, but they’re wrong—it’s diplodocus.

What’s the point of all this, really?

Life is a brief candle, and how can we expect our writing to be remembered when we can’t even remember the names of our great-grandparents? But, consider this, the universe is 13.8 billion years old, and the heat death of the universe is estimated to take place for another 10¹⁰⁰ years (sometime on a Tuesday). Therefore, in comparison to its entire lifespan, the universe isn’t just in its infancy, its head is only starting to crown. So, perhaps the reason we haven’t met any alien life forms, is not as is always suggested, because space is big, it’s because it’s new, and sentient lifeforms on other worlds haven’t evolved yet, so you know, the point is, er, the point is, there’s no point worrying about what the point of it all is because, well, um, one day we’re all going to be locked in battle with the shapeshifting sex arachnoids from the Andromeda Galaxy.

Allan Miller is a Scottish writer and humorist. His short stories can be found in such places as Night Terrors: An Anthology of the Drunk & Debaucherous, and The Bare Bones Book of Humour. He featured on the shortlist for the 2026 National Flash Fiction Day Microfiction Competition and received two nominations for the Genrepunk Editors’ Choice Award. He loves elephant seals and kaijus, and has competed in the world stone skimming championships. Find him on his website: www.allanmiller.weebly.com